Cooking 101

I remember thinking as a child that in the future I would somehow have found a way to get my act together. I would imagine my mature self keeping my room clean, doing my homework on time, becoming a morning person, retaining information because my mind no longer wandered, you know, stuff that people do when they are fully cooked individuals.

I'm being generous when I say I am half baked, if anything. To stretch a bad metaphor even further, at this point I'm beginning to suspect I'm missing some ingredients all together. Let's review what thirty years of maturing has gotten me;

I'm still shocking late to everything. But now I also make a small band of angry children late to everything as well. They are conspiring to become less small band and more rebel force, I know it.

My hygiene has improved marginally, unfortunately, as one ages one must add more steps to the daily toilette, so (after a quick pit check to confirm) yep, I'm still behind.

I remember sitting in my bedroom, staring at the insurmountable task of cleaning before me, knowing that future me would never let things progress to this level. Good ol' future me, she thinks ahead and just hangs that shirt up. She is like a human Roomba in her bedroom maintaining efficiency. She would never serve real peanut butter and jelly to her bears for lunch, and if she did she would throw it away when she was done, not leave it on the floor, and if she did that she would never drop a pair of pants over it, and if she did she would never walk on those pants.

And if she did she would never wear those pants to school.

Future me is still just me. And thinking about it now, I have progressed. Because would not wear old peanut butter and jelly pants. Today me would draw the line at old! And today me spends a lot less of my days inwardly groaning and wishing myself away. Today me knows that some things are probably going to change only marginally, but that might be just enough to get by completely pleasantly for a very long time. Today me knows that very few things I am personally capable of would end the world, nothing, actually. Today me is still just me, but with perspective.

And with that I can miss a few ingredients and no one will know the difference, it's like adding garlic, or chocolate chips- enough perspective and you can camouflage monkey poop.

And I think lessons on camoflauging monkey poop in food is a very strong way to close, I'm not actually feeding you garlic monkey poop!

See! It's works and I am a genius.