Play it Again Sir Mix a Lot

Does anyone not know the opening lines of I Like Big Butts? I ask because my six year old son just came in the room muttering to himself about little bitty waists and round buns in your face. "Excuse me!?!" He starts to guffaw sheepishly "Mom, I said buns, not the b word (butts, the s word is stupid and the d word is dumb, I love this age)." I'm kind of resigning myself. I''d rather be the mother of a child who knows the words to I Like Big Butts than be the mother who has to explain why it's inappropriate. Particularly since I sing it every time I see Matt Harpering go to the free throw line. Baby got back, my friends, baby got back.

The truth, and I cannot lie, is that I do like big butts, I've been trying to get one for most of my adult life. I have an affliction that my sister Shelly coined as Brown Elephant Butt(itis, I added itis because it sounds more like the medical problem it is.). My butt grows wide and flat rather than out and bootiliciously. It's white girl butt. It's especially unfortunate because I do like to shake it quite a bit, which ends up looking as misguidedly enthusiastic and sad as a kid with no arms trying to give a high five.

I've become fairly covetous. I find myself looking at other women, checking out their bums, ocassionally mouthing the word daaaamn. Wondering if it would be weird to say that as a heterosexual, I can objectively tell them that they are owning their jeans. I'm still not sure if that would make someone's day or make them want a shower.

So I go on, shaking my phantom booty, doing squats and lunges, wearing pants with flaps on the pockets, asking personal trainers to work my can like it owes them money, and remembering the words of another irrepressible optimist - the bum will come out tommorrow- I'm pretty sure that's what she said, anyway.