I was in Disneyland last week. It rained the whole time. On the up side, the lines were very, very short. If you are an old hat at Disneyland like I am you know that when the crowds are small it's time to hit the most beloved of all rides-Peter Pan.

I prepared to board my pirate ship when I noticed the gals ahead of me. Two eighty year old women, silver halos of curled hair, no grandchildren in sight, loading up for a ride together.

I imagine two girls, maybe sisters maybe friends, laughing and whispering into the wee hours. Hair tied and in rollers and mutual fascination with dolls, then horses, then marriage, then boys and then marriage again. I think these women must have had their hearts broken given their age. Either by boys or husbands or children or dreams, things that pass by so fast and you spend the rest of your life wondering why they were was so slippery, why you couldn't just hold on.

Did they carry the hope that you start with, the disillusion with which you throw it all away, the resignation you wear as you tote your burdens, the grim acknowledgement of hardship and finally the light at the end, the understanding, the surrender?

I think I am seeing these women at the point of surrender. I imagine they have returned from a long journey into a time wear there is no time, no time for silly stories, fairy tales, and rides not made of magic, but fiberglass, cardboard and paint. They have traveled through that strange land of adulthood and are returning home with all of the wisdom that comes from a long trip abroad.

The mechanics of the ride give a shudder and start and I watch two silvery heads peeking out of a pirate ship, returning to Neverland.

Pearls of Wisdom

I have a tattoo, when I wear a bathing suit people ask what the Chinese character on my back means. If they thought about it for a second they would know that it means I hit my rebellious period in 1998. I really don't know what it means, I don't speak, or read, Chinese. I imagine that the tattoo artist had a list of characters on the wall with words underneath saying things like "spirit" and "war" when in actuality they meant "spoiled white girl" and "drunk frat guy". He said mine meant "courage" but I think it shouts "dumbass" instead.


But for all of my tattoo regret I have been tempted once again. I think of all of the life lessons that have come to me in the last ten years and wish I could remember them at those crucial moments when they most want to go flying out of my brain. I want to get the best pieces of advice I have heard written on the inside of my forearm like crib notes that I can cheat my way through life with.


Here's the list so far;


You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life. This is maybe the most important concept, the most profound words I have ever heard in my life. Also Tootie is awesome. I have often fallen into the trap of believing that somewhere there is the Shangri La - the perfect choice that is devoid of all consequences. It doesn't exist, your choices will almost always be paired with either discipline or regret - choose which you would rather live with and keep truckin'.



Which brings me to Keep Truckin', some prefer to call this the "just keep swimming" philosophy. I prefer to keep truckin' because it is far more awesome. Constant motion - I refuse to say constant forward motion because sometimes backward motion is the most important. But Truck you must.


Que Se rah, Se rah whatever will be, will be, the future's not ours to see. Que Se rah, Se rah. (If you do not know that this song is from the Doris Day movie Glass Bottomed Boat then we have nothing more to discuss). Great things can happen through a lot of work and a lot of luck. Bad things can happen even when we do everything right. After we do our best we have to be recognize that we are not in control of this ride, so let go, raise your arms high and have fun, then maybe later you can barf - barf when you're dead. Hmmm, Barf when you're dead... nope, that's no good for me, I'm pregnant, must barf while living.



Finally, You're Traci, Damnit! It helps to remind myself of that, sometimes I forget. It also helps to put pressure on yourself to be you, if you don't contribute the qualities that make you special who will? That guy? He's not you. Asking that guy to bring some you to the table is like asking Kroger to make a delicious boxed mac and cheese, they aren't Kraft, it's never going to happen.



So I'm open to suggestions. Got any pearls for this swine?

Tricky Math

I turn 30 in May.

You know, they say thirty is the new twenty. The lesser known caveat to that is unless you have kids, then 50 will have to be your new twenty.

I was pregnant with Vivian when I was eighteen, so my late teens were actually my early thirties.

I still haven't gone to college. It looks like my forties are shaping up to be my early twenties. I have a feeling that they are not going to rock quite as hard for me as my early twenty peers.

I had braces when I was twenty five. I was too busy during Halloween making Tooth Fairy and Batman costumes, but I was going to go as a tween. I was also pregnant, so there was definite material for going as an after school special. In fact, Dave could have dressed as my nefarious teacher and we could have recruited someone to be my hot, worried mom... we could have been a Lifetime movie.

My jaw has started hurting recently. I'll tell you right now if I have to live through my tweens a third time a certain orthodontist better invest in a security system and a gun with six bullets, because five won't stop me.

My midlife crisis comes in six month intervals. I've confused my life-time continuum, and now everything is all messed up. I want to take gymnastics but I'm pregnant again (going for number four!). I want to go to college but I want to run away to a coconut island with my boyfriend (Dave). I want him to still be my boyfriend - to act surprised when I do things but I want him to already know that I want to eat at Pei Wei because we've been there a million times.

I've got to take this Delorian (brain) into the shop (psychiatrist).