How good do I really want to be?
Have you ever asked yourself that? Where is the line between discipleship and
insufferable-ship? When do you say enough is enough, I don't want to get any better and I'm beginning to get weirded out with all the effort?
I've known people who have crossed that line. They have gone over to the side in which their righteousness intimidates and alienates the people around them. The side in which religion has become almost an obsessive compulsive dissorder. I worry a little bit about that.
Has anyone ever found that wonder spot? The place in which religion comes from an easy joy in the heart rather than a guilty pit in the stomach? I think I have but the minute I realize that's where I am lost. I think I know people who live in that spot, but do they know that's where they live? If I told them would they no longer live there? Should I keep it a surprize?
Sometimes I look at the stars and wonder whatever this is all about. Whether I should be much gentler or much, much harder on myself. I wonder where my heart stands. I wonder if I know enough about God's nature to know where to stand. I wonder if he's mad at me. I wonder if He really really does love me. I worry that He's doing both too much. I wonder if I'll ever puzzle it out.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
My Goodness
Posted by don'tcallmelady at 12:14 PM
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3 comments:
I tend to think the crazed religiosity is a symptom rather than the disease. When I see others around me alienating others with their peculiar opinions, I tend to think of it as the tip of the iceberg.
Be it OCD, anxieties, bi-polar, or schizophrenic paranoia, however it manifests they are beyond a person's control. Yes, there are medicines to take therapies to try and counseling to attend. But, let's face it. Most of the alienators are those who are pull-up-by-the-bootstrap people, unwilling to change or try to.
I think to draw a line over which I am unwilling to cross of 'goodness' would be a misnomer. Now, self-righteousness? YEAH. Which, is probably what your definition is anyway. Or pride. Or arrogance. Or self-centered salvation.
I think He LOVES you.
Yeah, I think He loves you, too. It is His nature to love us- probably more than we're willing to let him.
The wonder-spot you're talking about...interesting way of putting it - but I think that it is when we learn to be truly charitable. Sure there are the over-zealous religious types. Usually they are judgemental, strict, and probably unhappy.
However, I've met a few people that are my real heroes - the ones that love others so purely that they uplift you. I mean - the type of people who actually listen to you. That's the kind of person I want to be - a real saint.
Oh - and maybe you don't need to be either gentler or harder on yourself. Just do what you can - that is all he requires. (Or - maybe just move out of utah...) ;)
anyways - this is very honest. I really like it. thanks for the post...:)
-chococatania
from AS,
I l ike this post. I thought I was the only one that thought this way. Often. I think you should submit this for a Friday post on Apron Stage.
-Kahalia
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