A Note from a Stargirl

I was made fun of last night. If I had a Sunday shoe to shamefully drill into the ground as I said that I would.

I went out to a karaoke place last night in hopes of seeing a friend. I waited around and listened to the really good music until I just couldn't take it anymore and I had to dance. So I went out and danced, by myself, with no one else dancing, for about ten songs. Then someone got up and sang Piano Man, and you can't dance to that song, you have to twirl, preferably while thinking of all of the things you planned in life that never materialized. I'm twirling around, looking like what must be the drunkest person in the bar when I am in fact the most sober, just high on life and an over developed sense of whimsy folks.

As I'm twirling a couple decide to come up and twirl with me, but not in a pleasant way, clearly it is in a "let's make fun of this girl who is so nuts that she won't understand what we're doing" kind of a way. I wanted to point out that they were on a date, in a bar, with a live band right in front of them, and the only thing they could think of to do was make fun of someone else. But I didn't.

After I twirled I left.

I have a friend, and even though we have only hung out together really once I consider her a dear friend. I had never met anyone before where, just by being in their presence, I felt the Spirit. She is the most genuine, sweet, thoughtful woman I have ever met. She is not a game player, she doesn't try to look put together. Her clothes don't come from Anne Taylor, or even Downeast Outfitters. She comes a little too close, gathers your hands in hers when she speaks, she goes with you for nature walks where you sing primary songs rather then asking you to lunch. She's just herself. I was basking in the glow of this friendship when I first heard someone say something negative.

"She's been a little off for a while"

"She's a sweet woman, but I don't think she's totally all there"

It was so disheartening, because, if I'm lucky, I'll end up exactly like her. And I just got a little glimpse into the down side of my future.

I don't know what compels us to make sure everyone else is conforming to our standards. So many things seem so much more silly and arbitrary than singing songs or dancing around to me -french manicures, fake hair, jeans with heels - if those things make people feel happy or sexy or young I say do it, but none of those are life necessities and yet all fit in the confines of what can be considered "normal" and "together". I don't get the game and I don't want to play.

If anyone needs to find me I'll be in my corner twirling.